Monday 31 August 2015

Around the way kinda girl

So! The bear made a quick return and a quick exit...Just like Gloria Gaynor's song lyrics ''The bear came back from outer space, with the same negative face'' a whole year on....So that door is well and truly locked, padlocked, bolted, triple double bolted throw the padlock keys and door keys into that big round pit that is in that 300 film!

*deep breath and sigh*

So towards that week (last week to be exact) I get a phone call from another Aunty Rishta (match maker Aunty).  It has been a while since I had spoken to this particular Aunty, however she first said that I had forgotten her, then to which I filled in the blanks of the events in the last few months of my year (going back to the home land, Ramadaan, Weddings, family etc).

This Aunty then cuts to the chase of why she is calling (which I like and I kinda expected there was a reason why she called!)....She mentions that a guy has just come to see her and that he is nice looking and 38, he is from the mother land and looking to find someone here in the UK to settle as his mother and brother live here already...After the dead end week I had with the bear I am at a point where anything goes.  Aunty asked if I was free any time soon as this fella was going back to the mother land in a few days....Me being me, I had catch up dinners left right and centre...although I then thought I might as well be more proactive than ever, I don't have time to waste any more! So I informed Aunty that I could squidge a meeting with this fella in-between me finishing work and heading out to meet friends for dinner. So Aunty sounding excited and pleased with her lead said she would forward my number to this guy and take it from there.

Later that evening I got a polite text informing of who he was and that Aunty Rishta had given my number. To the point he asked if I wanted to meet, to which I was to the point I informed time and place also which would be 3:45pm by Kings cross station, done deal!

So the next day I was busy at work and not even though into meeting this fella until I saw my phone ping with a message dead on 3pm...''Am here and just walking around, where bouts shall I meet you?'' To which I replied exactly where...I then got an immediate response of: ''Ok am blue jeans, white and blue shirt, light brown shoe, kaki jacket (his spelling not mine), black armani bag''....My reaction was that inside I already knew that this one was going to be a No, No....No backing out now...just had to have a glimmer of little tiny hope.....and grin and bear with it......

So when I got to the agreed meeting point, I called...it was easier and well faster....He then picked up and said where are you? Oh I think I see and then described what I was wearing...''Dammit!''... why could he see me first and I could not see him for sheeeeet despite his crime watch attire description?!? So the fact he already spotted me was awkward..as I just stood there twiddling with my hair trying to act 'normal' and not being rude by looking at my phone I had to style it out by looking interested in what was going around me at the same time tying to spot this fella.....

Eventually I spot him...looking straight at me....I cringe inside.....and instantly know its a no.no.....I know Aunty Rishta said he was good looking...but without sounding like a bow bag....I just saw this Derek Zoolander /  Simon Cowell tuft hair do....and then the big moon face and everything else......I thought well cant be rude now and thought to myself to go for a super quick coffee and exit, at least I could go back and said I had a little chat with him....

While in the queue awkwardly I look at the menu not quite sure how to handle this one, when suddenly he whips out his phone and shows me a photo on his phone of a little toddler...He then goes ''This is my niece''....Me: ''Oh ok?'' to which he then adds ''Yes you see the dress on her....I bought that from here in England and sent it to my brother''....Me:''Oh ok....cute'' *Queue big eye emoji*

Then we get a drink and sit....As I sit I wonder how long am I going to be held captive....He immediately starts to talk about himself, how he works for the Governmental police force back in the mother land and is deployed all over Europe (yes he has a very good job, but still....).  He talks about how he recently came back from Switzerland and that he has a friend there who has two glider planes...Me: ''Ooh that's nice''....He then continues and again whips out his phone and shows me a photo of  inside the plane clearly on the ground...''This is the plane on the ground'' Me: ''Oh ok''....He then shows me a photo of the plane with a birds eye view of the ground...Him: ''This is when I was in the air''...Me:''Oh ok''....then he goes on to say how he was in Switzerland for work, how he has met many other officials from other countries...'bang on time I'm like''Oh ok''...then he rummages through his wallet and then pulls out his Police badge, Army ID, and Government pass and tells me that it access's him to all areas...(in my mind I'm like not with me!!) He aligns his passes in a line directly to my so that they are on my very edge and side of my table and had laid each one, one by one like playing cards....He then says to me ''You know when I marry I shall still think that me and my wife will still go out, even once we have kids..'' He then rummages in his wallet again, this time with one eye brow raised, (causing his Simon Cowell tuft hair to rise higher) with a SMIRK to himself looking really pleased with himself....he says ''I showed your whats app photo to my mother, and I said to her, ''If she likes to dress modern I am MORE thank ok with that....I then drink my frappachino looking down *big eye emoji* not knowing what to say....I cant exactly say ''Oh ok'' I think I have now used my years supply of ''Oh ok responses''....After saying this he then whips out his Business card, and points out his email address, his mobile number and tells me that his whats app number and also has his land lines, and then put another card in front of me and says that is his brothers AND his business...a house repair business back in the mother land....he then says if I ever need house repairs in the mother land to well use that card to make contact...Me:  ''Oh ok''...At this point I cant....I cant take any more of this and I say , ''listen I have to go as I have a dinner date to get with friends...(no lie but was like 3 hours till then!!).

He was like sure no problem, maybe we can chat for a bit more on whats app or phone and you can let me know what you think? Me: *big emoji eyes* I said my goodbyes and waiting till he was out of view and got on the phone to Aunty Rishta...she sounded excited....I said to her that he looked a LOT older than 38 which he did and she sounded SO surprised!! As she thought he dint look it....Well I did!...I said that I dint want to waste his time and I hoped that she would tell him this as its not fair dragging any of this...she sounded a bit gutted by her miss match but I thanked her for thinking of me and wanted to help....However I am not sure if she did call, as Simon still messaged to which I had to compose a polite dumping text.....

However with this experience I have learnt to be cut throat, no dilly dallying, which is what I seemed to have been doing previously. I like this proactive and straight yes or no...after all these years I really know who and what I am about....I really do miss companionship...having that one person you can chat shit to, have intelligent conversations, have comfortable silences with, the one you want to share something first with them above anyone else, just someone I can turn to......I am trying letting go, stop making excuses of getting to know someone, seeing beyond..and going with my gut instinct....I really don't care where on this planet he is......end of the day where ever he is, he will be my home, my comfort, my everything......and I guess I will always be a around the way kinda girl....plonk me anywhere and I will get on with it!.......(Oh, ok). ;p

Monday 10 August 2015

In a Situationship.

Hi all,

I know I know its been a minute.....well more like a few months! I have been keeping busy with an unplanned trip back to the motherland to see me dear Nan through ramadaan and as usual an influx of wedding madness in the mix and other family events after that! (I’m actually at work typing this and not at my usual nocturnal spot at home with the lamp shade as my only form of light at home!).

Lately I have just felt the impulse to just do things that I want and when, no dilly dallying and hanging around.
However with this in mind I had reluctantly and dragged my feet by ''Put myself back online/out there'' and got chatting to someone and after 9 months of no dating or anything and I recently met up with this fellow....however it was a case of ''Nice guy but no'' This ''date'' also comes close to my 20 minute date as this had been done within a second record timing of 55 minutes and that included sitting down, ordering food, eating, small talk and at then an good bye at the tube station! 

I guess its the whole chatting via what’s app and then meeting in person can deffo show you and tell you that they are very two different things.  However I do kind of think looking back that throughout our chatting it was more banter and small general talk, I guess because I know now that I personally hold back until I meet someone....but then there are times you do click with someone and can talk and talk till the cows come home. I guess all in all it comes down to 'Clicking’. When you can just chat crap, deep intellectual, meaningless, silliness everything under the sun kind of conversations 24/7. And it’s rare. It’s like a rare occurrence that you come across such a thing, when you really truly click with someone on all levels and I think that is what I am finding hard, as much as I am open, I just find that others I have met do not really get who I am....well I seem to think so these days.

I think these days it's hard to find someone who really listens, understands and know what small things make your heart melt, make you tick and just in general encourage you to be better.

I feel that everyone is so guarded...or in some cases can even be shady and just quite selfish.  And that is what I find off putting...selfishness....such a ugly characteristic to have.  But you cannot really know someone unless you are both open, nothing held back, just being your raw self, no frills, nothing hidden, being humanly honest....I say humanly because end of the day none of us are perfect...if someone was perfect then clearly they would be a robot or something.

When getting to know someone, I find the random obsessions, weird funny habits endearing and always take such things into account. I’m not an avid fan of flower senders... I think guys who send flowers are unoriginal, that is my personal opinion...I think it's the easiest gesture and a no brainer on woo-ing. Some of you might think it’s a lovely gesture, but I take greater pleasure in seeing flowers in their natural habitat and doing their thing and having their moment blossoming where they should be.  But in general maybe because I have met a lot of guys who are not at all thoughtful. or just never bothered to scratch the surface...I am not a diva of any sort as I have been blessed and been able to make myself happy and content, however I have not come across someone who knows what random small thing would make me smile or mean something.

One question that I do get a lot in the messages I get from dating sites in person is ''Why? why are you single?'' One guy who was far too young and pointed this out, said ''Are guys blind?''...as much of a flattering remark, it did ping home and put a lump in my throat as I have no answers, ask me anything and I can give you an answer, except that one question....I really can’t, maybe because it’s something that pulls on my heart strings and makes me speechless every time and the weird thing is every time I am asked it comes a shock...a reality check maybe that I have been single for so long.

I recently had a conversation with a friend and like myself is always in the same sort of situation, talks to someone, strike up conversation but nothing really develops, but there is banter but nothing seems to move forward.  There is no definition of what is going on, and I guess the only way to describe it as a...well...''Situationship''.....I love this...next time someone asks me for my status I’m going to be like I'm in a Situationship....the situation being...... that I'm forever single...(for those of you wondering I am in my 30's!).

However being single for so long has its ups and downs....I’ve seen everyone around settle down, have babies and get into some sort of life routine....where as I can pretty much uplift myself and go where ever I want to...I have seen close ones go through difficulties through relationships, seen the ups and downs, the make ups and in some cases's the break ups and it’s not easy...I guess in that sense when I see and hear of such things it makes me glad I am single and makes me more guarded in some cases.

I guess I am at a point where I don’t know what else I can do except for live, love, laugh and pray....I honestly don’t know what more I can say and do anymore.....Dizzy rascals words just popped into my head ''A heavy base line is my kind of silence''... as much as that is a bit of a juxtaposition of two things, sometimes there are no words for feelings, just sense.
Deep down I know there must be a reason why I am single and all I can think of is that the one above has his reasons and it’s all down to timing and that I just have to keep on doing my own thing...I can’t believe we are in August already and just like Del boy I used to think ''This time next year...'' But I can’t even do that anymore, I really can’t box my life by dates and timelines.....I have let go and become a bit of a nomad on this journey....I have heard wonderful things of other peoples encounters.....I just hope one day I have my own encounter......