To let someone to even come into my airspace and get into my little world of thoughts and character is not something I always do easily. The more I have had interactions, the more stronger I build a forcefield and I would say this year that has been even more so in this case. Only because I let someone in, they would get to know me, get me to open up and without a word of warning they would shoot off taking their Rocket to planet Vaginal Venus....(sorry to put it in crude terms but lets face it, it almost seems to be constantly happening). My theory is this, they get to know me and as I am pretty much normal have my funny little banter ways, I am serious, I know what I want and that's commitment. I am a practising Muslim and have full intentions of doing things the right way as much as possibly I can. It seems guys regardless of faith most guys I have come across want the physical side of things, almost.....to quickly which always rings alarm bells. And unfortunately for someone like me, guys are going to be distracted by the time wasting past times and getting their ''fix'' and would rather do so and invest time in those sort of relationships.
Last week I got approached by a guy who was actually married, had the audacity to say "Look Im prob not THE ONE, but still have some "fun"?.....WTF???!!! I told him he is what I call a ''Cactus'' in layman's English - A PRICK. That was an eye opener for sure and also made me feel more disappointed in my faith in MEN-Kind in general.
As a Muslim I can say I know who and exactly what I am, and I have to say I have spoken to a lot of guys who seem to struggle or have double standards of what they say, think and do. However I do believe strongly regardless of your faith as long as you have a good heart and good intentions that's a relationship that you have directly with yourself and the one above so I cannot be one to judge that....I know this. I just don't like such things as when people who are confused try and talk to me like they are holier than thou and make me almost feel bad for just sticking to my guns....I will never ever go with someone who does not sit right with me or with anything that does not feel right to me in general. I think the worst thing you can possibly do to someone is be let into their world, pretend to be a friend or care and then not give two shits about being let in and respecting that. But again going back to the communication...most of this has been 95% on whats app....These guys are not around me, don't see my characteristics, see how I interact with others, how I am known by others, don't even know the sound of my laugh even....how can by the way I type, send random emojis and photos of my surroundings make them think they know me? If anything what gives them the right to judge me and make an assumption without even spending time around me, forget hovering above my airspace via whats app in their tiny little rocket....(Yes I can judge!). :p
What happend to going back to basics, actually spending time with someone face to face...These are some things that I had been thinking of:
- Dont send a girl flowers, turn up unexpectedly and TAKE her to a field of flowers.
- Dont send a whats app message 'hey'...write a letter, opening up a surprise with excitement always is lovely and the words can be cherished. Each time re-reading a letter can bring a wave of flutters in the heart (screen shot convos cant bring that kind of effect).
- Don't tag someone in a instagram picture, take a picture YOU took and make it into a postcard and write some nonsense only you both would know and put it the post. (Ok you might not have a home address but with a name there is always linkedin and finding a work address right?).
- Sing to someone....that's always good....My close loved ones love my cat wailing voice notes and no hello, but me belting into a power ballad on the phone.
I am still really glad I have deleted the online dating profiles. I don't miss it one bit, with Netflix being my latest boyfriend....ebay has now become my bit on the side...And I am selling, not buying...This last part of 2015 has really taught me to let go.....let go of things that don't hold any value or relevance to me....by selling things off, this is giving me something to look forward to ahead.
Allhamduililah (Praise be to the one above) I have travelled to some amazing locations this year....And looking back I always hesitated as I always thought that I would want to travel with 'The one'...Now I'm kind of thinking with the selfish guys I have met....Why should I put my plans on hold for someone who I don't even know or know if he is worth waiting for? I'm carrying on with my plans and my life, I'm not going to wait for a prince, shining knight in armour....I'm taking myself, my heels, my nice outfits away myself! If I am to walk this fabulous, beautiful earth alone, then so be it, I accept that whole heartedly, with the love and support I have from friends and family, one guy cannot amount to even a smidge of that! It might be like I am on ebay waiting for the highest (worthy) bidder, but until then I'm using my escape fund to take myself places! ;)
(I shall leave you with this...I have a love music in general....but also for orchestral music I guess its the dramaticness of it all...makes good strut to work music you know....(many don't know this I used to have Cello lessons in school...Dint get far)...However I love Orchestral music...and this below gets me into a power 'Me don'd care *flicks her hair* mode....Orchestral hip hop.....YASSSSS! - Not festive I know...But starting as I mean to go on in 2016.....I'M GONNA BE MAKING SOME NOISE (I might even get on the mic next time I go hip hop karaoke)!!!! - Have a wonderful festive holiday with all your loved ones.....And remember don't let anyone shit on your sparkle.
Signing out for now - A Halaal Chick In The City...xx
